Six Things Saturday

Hello lovelies!!

Happy weekend!! Let's break out the bubbly and dance on the table! 

Here's a quick snapshot of six swell things currently contributing to my cheery exterior. Ready?

1. Cardtastrophy
Have you and a friend ever started a competition to buy each other the worst possible birthday card? Mine's been going on for years now... Here's my latest contribution (he loved it, obvs). 

2. Old school #selfie
My work put up dividers between our desks this week, and I was so worried my colleague would miss being able to see my face at all times that I pinned this to her side of the barrier. She was, of course, incredibly relieved.

3. Dream Land
My friend's kids recently took it upon themselves to think up some millionaire-making business ideas. Their shortlist included this gem: 

But they settled on writing a full business plan for "Dream Land", which appeared to be some kind of theme park/petting zoo/holiday resort hybrid: 

I think we can all agree those kids would KILL IT on Dragons' Den. From the "big meeting room - for work people" to the inclusion of "all species - (even aliens)" they left no entertainment-related stone unturned.

4. Cold comfort
Today's lunch consistent of a packet of Moroccan-style soup combined with some super-speedy couscous. My winter-chilled bones were incredibly grateful, and it made me feel like I was back in the souks. Totally winning at lunch. 

5. Comic strip
This month my Book Club decided we'll all read a comic of our choosing, then do show-and-tell over cocktails. To be brutally honest, I've struggled to find any comics I've actually enjoyed (why are you all so dark and miserable, comic book writer people?!), but I think I'm finally starting to see the attraction...

6. Heart attack
Well, where else would you keep the empty box from the Valentine's from your BFF?!

What's been making you giddy with delight lately?

Katie xxx

Three Things Tuesday

S'up homies!

I was about to say "Happy Tuesday" but we all know Tuesdays are THE WORST so I'm going to go with "Hang on in there guys- it's almost ruddy Wednesday!". Thankfully, all is not lost, because the world is full of beautiful things and today I'm sharing three of them with you. Ready? 

1. Escargo-go-GO
The lovely Bex over at the Pigeon's Nest (she of the incredible unicorn hoop) is only having a bloody GIVEAWAY to win one of her super adorbs crochet snails. You can find Bex here on Facebook to do the competition-y rules. Please note, there is a catch - you have to decide on a favourite colour. She's an evil vixen that girl. 

I'm off to stare at a rainbow and start making a shortlist. I've only got til Saturday after all!

2. Bramances for ever
Who needs a date* when your BFF brings you surprise Valentine's gifts!? Especially ones involving faux-snakeskin boxes. 

3. Myth Bust-ing
*boob-related warning klaxon*
Don't panic, guys- there's no nudity here. But I AM going to (briefly) talk about my lady-lumps**. 

Is it just me, or are bras really secret evil boob cages and the most uncomfortable things on the entire planet?! I've actually considered installing a bra hook next to my coat hook, so I can banish them the minute I get home. Well, my friends, let me tell you - this bra has totally changed my life. It's as if your boobs are being hugged (in a totally friends-only way, obvs) by the softest material known to man. I don't know what that material is, but then I'm not a man (hence why I need to own lady-lump holders). Seriously, ladies - treat yo' self (and your boobs) to one of these. 

Finally, in other news, I've decided I probably shouldn't be allowed near the internet this early in the morning. Apparently my discussing-boobs-online filter has yet to activate. Sorry.

Katie xxx

* OK, I also had a date. Which involved alcoholic milkshakes and the phrase "I breakfast on the screams of tiny plastic men". BEST. VALENTINE'S. EVER. 

**That is the worst thing anyone has ever called boobs. I do apologise. It will never happen again.

Three Things Thursday

Hello lovelies!!

How are you? 

Well, will you look at that? I done gone and got my sparkle back! Hip Hip Hooray!!
To celebrate me escaping the doldrums, here are three things currently forming the icing on my Life Cake. Which is kinda like Birthday Cake, but you can eat it every day of the year. Mmmm.... Life Cake. 

1. Spontaneous Dance Parties
After stumbling upon this little ditty on the way to visit my folks, I practically ran up their front steps, burst threw the front door, and simultaneously cranked up my phone speakers whilst yelling "LIVING ROOM DANCE PARTY IS GO!!" Naturally, my parents joined in with gusto. Well, I had to get my quirk from somewhere...

Do it. You know you want to.

2. Good ol' home cookin'
I've been making a conscious effort of late to do more cooking from scratch. Partly to up my veg intake, as I was wobbling on the brink of scurvy, but mostly due to some serious inspiration in the Thug Kitchen cookbook I got for Christmas. Easy, healthy Mexican recipes peppered with excessive swears, you say? SIGN ME UP, BITCHES. 

3. Cirque du Frock
I'd been lusting after Joules' Circus duvet cover for literally years before I met Skye and found out she actually owned one (which pretty much sealed the deal for our friendship, obviously). So, when Skye recently mentioned she was throwing it out due to a bedroom makeover, I yelled "CAN I HAVE IT PLEASE?!?!" right in her face asked her very politely if she'd consider donating it someone with a penchant for duvet cover dresses....

A few snips later and there it was - my very own CIRCUS DRESS!! 

I love it so much I'm considering taking it to dinner on Valentine's Day. Not wearing. TAKING. 

The duvet now sadly seems to be discontinued at Joules, but I've found some on sale here if you feel like you need more unicycling bears in your life. And, let's be honest, who doesn't?!

What's been floating your boat recently? 

Katie xxx

Face Off

Hello lovelies!

How's it going? You'll be relieved to hear I'm finally breaking the suspense of my last post and sharing some of the excellent faces I've seen (and pulled) in the last six weeks or so. 

The first (and by far the cutest!) is my friend's gorgeous baby enraptured by the excellent wisdom I penned in her belated actual day-of-birthday/Christmas card: 

Said advice went along the lines of "Read lots, kick arse and, above all, NEVER, EVER BE ANNE." - referring to Anne of Famous Five fame. As you may recall, Anne basically never went on adventures because she was too busy doing the washing up and recovering from the exhausting chore of making potted meat sandwiches for everyone else. COME ON, ANNE. Seriously.

This is the face of a girl who's just been given the best sweatshirt ever created by humanity. Double-sided astro-goodness, in a fabric so shiny it looks like she plays for some kind of Space Hockey team.

This one's not a human face (just in case you hadn't noticed!) but this bag's been making my face smile ever since she arrived on Thursday. She also makes me feel 27 going on 4. Who cares if the actual bag bit's so small it can only fit my keys in it?!

And y'all get a bonus face thanks to my DIY Panda Cushion

My face again, but almost recognisable thanks to my lovely trainee hairdresser house mate. I've been her model for blow-dry practice twice so far, and it's fun to see what I'd look like as a Real Girl who brushed her hair and stuff. But I've got to be honest- I really don't like my hair when it's this flat. It's impossible to hide snacks in.

Another non-human face, after treating myself to one of the fantastically talented Bex's custom wall art hoops over at The Pigeon's Nest (whose own face is prettier than a Disney Princess, btw). 

SERIOUSLY RUDDY BRILLIANT, eh?!

Last, but definitely not least- I want to introduce you to the best thing that's ever happened to me, or indeed to the universe. It's also my excuse for tenuously naming this post after a Nic Cage movie (for which I'm not even going to pretend I'm sorry). Are you ready? 




[I've left a gap here on purpose so you can prepare yourselves. Emma Kate - you might want to grab a paper bag in case you hyperventilate.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't it AMAZING?! I can't decide which part I love the most - the fact that it's "signed" (this thing is about as official as me declaring myself the official face of Frosties due to my tiger facepaint), or the fact that they've Photoshopped his chest hair OVER HIS OWN BICEP. 

You may've noticed this is actually a pillowcase, but I've refused to use it as one because it'd mean that, like a small child's favourite toy, at some point it'd have to be washed - and I just couldn't bear to be be parted with it for the length of a washing machine cycle. So, instead, I've pinned it on my bedroom wall. Like the flag of an official fan club.

Have you seen any particularly brilliant faces recently? Or been given any official celebrity merchandise involving Photoshopped chest hair? Do share!

Katie xxx

The one in which I become 90% cheese

*flexes fingers and blows three inches of dust and cobwebs from laptop keyboard*

So.... This is a bit awkward, huh, Internet? I know I said I'd Skype you but, well, I've been really busy. Like, all the time. And, I don't actually have a Skype account (I know, I know- Earth To Katie - get into the 21st Century already) so.... Yeah. 

Shall we just pretend this never happened? I mean, we can still be friends, right? We've been through so much together... The Simpsons hairscapade; the time I OD'd on puns (and Eton Mess); THE AUBERGINE REVELATION. And I really want to tell you about my adventures! 

I've been getting up to all sorts of mischief lately (as one would expect), but it's mainly involved jet-setting like my passport was about to expire. 

Which I think it is, actually. Shit.

[FYI, my passport photo is one of 3 nice photos of me that exist in the entire world. It's so good I actually show people ON PURPOSE, because Passport Me is much prettier than Real Life Me; and soon she has to go to the big photograph album in the sky :( I might start a twitter campaign to let people use the same photograph for every iteration of their passport, forever. Who's with me?]

Anyway... I basically spent half of December zipping back and forth to Gatwick, armed with a bag half filled with stripy t-shirts, a freezer bag of tiny shampoos, and a magazine for the plane. Three consecutive mini breaks has seriously upped my packing game and I've managed to hone it to just the necessities; which means less to carry around after hotel check-out, and more luggage space to bring home essential gingerbread:

So, where have I been, I hear you ask. Alright, you didn't ask, but this is my bit of the internet so I'm going to tell you anyway. 

First up was Budapest, where I stayed in the world's craziest AirBnB flat of all time - complete with a building block/cushion mountain, 180ft ceilings, a purple faux rhino head, and these guys: 

I tell you what; that teddy is A LOT less cute when it's looming over at you at 3am and you've just woken up from a cocktail-induced nightmare. Although at least it wasn't a nightmare fuelled by cheese-flavoured premium smack...

I found ruin pubs serving £2-a-pint watermelon cocktails to hipsters seated in vintage cars, Dracula-worthy Gothic castles complete with campfire-horror-story uplighting (I can only assume they didn't use giant torches) and taught my travel buddy how to swim. Classic Budapest stories all round.

Next came Cologne, complete with aforementioned gingerbread purchases, too much Glusswein, and some seriously impressive views of the Cathedral from our budget hotel window:

That weekend's indulgence levels were pretty much set from the moment we arrived, after the grumpy waiter in the Alpine restaurant decided our order of a "cheese sharing platter" meant we wanted one each...

As I'm sure you'll agree, the only conceivable way to follow an entire dairy's worth of cheese for dinner is cheesecake and hot chocolate for breakfast...

I hasten to add, my Cologne trip wasn't entirely cheese-based. We also ate a truckload of whipped cream. On everything. And I discovered that the world contains giant snails who like to eat cocoa beans...

I included my (giant, mannish) hand for scale.

... found a bridge covered in love-locks...

... and laughed at some nearby graffiti...

... bought a book from a telephone box...

... had a massage at the Sealife Centre...

... and I MET SANTA!

My third, and final, trip of the year was to the giddy heights of Switzerland. I spent a day in Geneva all on my own, exploring the city, eating cinnamon doughnuts, and filling my water bottle with free lion spit. 

Next stop was Lausanne, with its rather fabulous selection of traditional Christmas lights (festive giraffe, anyone?)...

... and the most ingenious hairdressers' Christmas Tree I've ever seen:

Although I have to admit, Lausanne does have its priorities straight (festive giraffes be damned):

My final stop was Gruyere, which both stole and clogged my heart with its breathtaking setting, fairytale castle, and offensively excessive fondue portions. 

It's also the very surreal home of the Geiger museum, which is definitely a contender for the creepiest place I've ever been in my life. Thankfully, if it all gets a bit much, you can pop into the adjoining bar to drink a glass of wine while perched on a bar stool designed to resemble a human pelvis. 

Normality restored. Phew. 

I've got so much more to tell you all, but I'm afraid the stories about Space Hockey, imparting wisdom (that's right - I ruddy did!) and NICOLAS CAGE'S FACE will have to wait 'til another day. In the meantime, you'll have to console yourself with this photograph of a cheery bus stop. You're welcome:

Katie xxx

Three Things Thursday

Today I'm feeling especially grateful for...

1. The lovely bods at the AA
Who had to come to my rescue TWICE over the weekend. Steve bravely suffered through a cup of totally awful tea on Saturday morning, and taught me that my car speaks in Morse Code. Who knew?! 

"Dave" (he didn't actually introduce himself, but he totally looked like a Dave) came to my aid at God Awful O'Clock on Monday night, after my car made a weird ker-chunk noise and the battery light came on. Followed by a whole bunch of other lights, which made my dashboard look like an angry Christmas tree. Despite the angry engine noises, I felt almost overwhelming lucky by the fact my car decided to break down just as I happened to be within coasting distance of my Grandparents' house - the only familiar faces on my 30+ mile drive! Dave went above and beyond trying to fix my car (which decided to play dumb the moment he got there) by offering to follow me home in case it happened again- despite it being completely out of his way. Thanks, Dave!

2. The girl at the Real Eating Co.
Who saw the look in my eyes when I jokingly asked for "the biggest slice of coconut cake you can get away with", and brought me THIS:

Yes, that's a dinner plate. And a regular sized fork. It was genuinely bigger than the four-cup teapot. I LOVE YOU, REAL EATING CO. GIRL.

3. Arundel
As a West Sussex girl born and bred, I've been to Arundel more times than I can count* but it never fails to delight me with it's fantastic architecture and independent eateries; it's just bloody lovely. 

See! Told you.

I still managed to discover all manner of new eccentricities on my latest visit, including a real life Bernard Black (who owns the Old Maps gallery on the High Street and really doesn't like questions), three floors of seriously beautiful books, and the club I want to join more than any other:

Are you doing it, Michelle? ARE YOU?!

Last but by no means least, check out this incredible pair of knockers: 

I'm assuming the doors are going through puberty. Happens to the best of us...

What have you been feeling thankful for recently? 

Katie xxx

* Seven times. I can only count to five.

Three Things Thursday

Howdy, Guvnors*! 

How's tricks?

Today's contributions to the ever-growing list of weirdness (aka this blog) are all, happily, free. I'd like to think it's a sign of me becoming less materialistic, but yesterday's response to finding the two Gilmore Girls box-sets missing from my collection would insist otherwise. I might have yelled "YAAAY!" and punched the air a bit. Sorry again for making you jump, Game Shop Geeks...

1. Chalk it up

I know lots of people find sitting on a beach incredibly relaxing, but my fidgety fingers just never stop itching for something to do. On my last visit, Mother Nature was kind enough to provide gratis entertainment in the form of a smattering of chalk chunks mixed in amongst the stones. 

I was secretly hoping that someone might find them before the tide washed my scribbles away...

2. Suspended Sofas

I've decided that all Wednesday afternoons should be spent with friends eating Mexican food, baking cakes, and watching trashy Netflix movies (Burlesque, anyone?). Unfortunately, I don't think my annual leave quota would cover it- but it did make yesterday feel all the more special. It also had just a hint of the surreal, thanks to the décor in my friend's local Paperchase (a shop I find rather enchanting anyway...). 

Apparently, the floor was rotting away in the first floor of the building; so they came up with a rather ingenious way of decorating the empty space. 

I filmed a speedy video too, to show you all how it's suspended within the space. Pretty cool, huh?

3. Fat Flap

My favourite part of yesterday's adventures surpassed even the magical floating furniture, after my friend's pug (who apparently loves food even more than I do) realised he could no longer fit through the cat-flap...

That face!!

I'll admit, I used his pu(d)giness as an excuse not to give him any of my banana loaf. Cruel wench, I am.

What have you been up to this week? 

Katie xxx

* I thought I'd try a new greeting, but I think I pulled it off about as well as a rapping grandmother. And not a cool, Betty White-style grandma either. "Hello lovelies!" service will resume as normal from my next post.