Happiness is...

... Rounding up your friends in the park 
For a spontaneous picnic and game of rounders. One round robin text of "Grab a blanket, a bag of crisps, and a bottle of suncream*", and there we were running around the park like dogs let off their leashes. It was all fun and literal games until I full-on collided with one of them (we both dodged the same way while running at full speed. It was NOT pretty). Then it got serious for a minute because they thought I was dead. Then it went back to fun again. 

Oh, and my friend taught me how to hulahoop, at the grand old age of 28. Woop!

.... Stew in a storm
When the weather subsequently decided not to play ball, we chose not to either. Instead, we de-camped to a local pub to devour big bowls of steaming Polish stew and dumplings, curled up on Chesterfield sofas (us, not the dumplings. That would be weird). Thunderstorms don't get better than that.

... Ridiculous makeovers
I inherited a plastic bin from the previous inhabitant of my room, which was rather handy as I didn't own one at the time (ice-cream maker: yes. Bin: no. Priorities, people). After realising it was pretty much the only non-DIY-d thing on display, I decided that need to be rectified STAT...

The "before" bin. Snore.

One trip to Homesense later, and my bin was looking 18 kinds of fabulous. Ta da!

It's so ridiculous, throwing rubbish away has become instantly hilarious.

... It's pronounced "freet-za"
AKA, FREE PIZZA. Yes, that's right. FREE. PIZZA. A friend of mine somehow managed to get his jammy hands (not literally- I don't think he even likes jam that much) on 8 tickets to the opening party for Franco Manca's new Brighton restaurant. When he asked me if I wanted to go to a sourdough pizza restaurant for dinner where everything would be LITERALLY FREE, I nearly offered him my first born child. Ok, ok, I also offered to carry his. FREE. PIZZA. 

... NEON DINOSAUR THEMED CRAZY GOLF
And I thought my life had peaked at freeza.... There are no words. Thank you, thank you, Globalls (snigger) for bringing your magical presence into my life.

... Double mate dates at an ice-cream parlour
Like teenagers from the 1950's. Giggling and straw-sharing mandatory. 

So tell me - what have I missed? 

Katie xxx

*Oh, and a P.S. assuring them my phone hadn't been stolen, seeing as I was apparently texting them about sport... EURGH.

Three Things Tuesday

Ola my loves! How are you all?  

Want to hear what I've been up to lately*? OK. Hold on to your halter-tops - here we go:

1. Improving Tuesdays. Forever.
We all agree that Tuesday is the worst day of the week, amiright? And we also know that cheese makes everything better. Combine the two, and what do you get? Cheeseday, of course. Three cheers for Cheeseday!

I have the perfect illustration for the joy that is Cheeseday, thanks to a recent lunchtime visit to my grandparents'. My Nan asked me with genuine concern if I thought she'd bought enough cheese:

There were three of us. And that's a dinner plate.

2. Just don't ask for a fork...
I wouldn't usually expect to see "Tip not included. Oh, and you have to shag the chef" scrawled at the bottom of my bill; but it's good to have that cleared up once and for all...

3. Getting Crunk(le)
May heralds the start of the springtime Artists Open Houses festival; the perfect combination of pretty (arts and crafts) and nosy (snooping around strangers' houses). This spring my favourite house from the Christmas trail is running a weekly competition to win a crunkle; one that's been handfired in their very own flat! What is a crunkle, I hear you ask? Blooming ADORABLE, that's what. They look a bit like ceramic sea sponges, and can be popped over the top of a tealight for some instant pretty. 

I took to the crunkle selfie challenge like a fish to water, and decided to channel my (not so inner) mermaid. And I only went and bloody won! That's the power of boobs, that is. 

Rugby Road is open every weekend until the end of May- along with most of the other houses - and I cannot recommend a visit strongly enough! Who knows, you might win a crunkle too!

What have you been up to lately? 

Katie xxx

* Because, if not, I should warn you that's a bit of a theme here - so you might want to check out the rest of the internet instead! 

In April I...

... became older and wiser
Ok, the second part's a lie. But I AM older. Partly because of science (I'm older now than when I started writing this sentence. And older still... And even OLDER... *dashes to the mirror in search of wrinkles*) and also because I've had one of those birthday things. Like I'm the Queen or something.

Birthday card extraordinaire, courtesy of the beautiful and talented Skye

I managed to stretch this year's celebrations over three whole days: a Work Birthday, a Birthday Party Day, and my Actual Birthday. My Work Birthday included a DIY-d "birthday" balloon (from a recent awards ceremony) and a "2 and 8" badge duo, where the "2" badge was sans safety pin. Because two year olds aren't allowed safety pins... Bahaha

The rest of the celebrations involved surprise homemade cupcakes(!) smuggled into the pub, midnight tuaca shots, a drunken speech, and seriously epic presents; some made my eyes go all watery like they were made of happy puddles, others made me squeal like a piglet who'd just won a trip to Disneyland. 

What do you get the girl who has everything? A ghost, of course!

I was hastily told while unwrapping this that it was "a comedy gift"
and wasn't a hint about my wrinkly face...

... Listened to Celine Dion. Repeatedly
To the point where my phone has now started sending me prompts:

My addiction to Think Twice is getting seeeeerrrriiiioooooussss. 

... Ate a salad.
Yes. SALAD. 

Mostly to shut my phone up, after it started making pointed comments about my cake consumption to exercise ratio (all : nothing)...

... demolished 18 cheeseboards
Well, I had to do SOMETHING to counteract that salad. I've made a shiny new group of friendlings recently, and cheeseboards have become Our Thing. This has resulted in two supermarket trips organised specifically for cheese shopping, and earlier this week a few of us actually went on a cheeseboard CRAWL. It's safe to say my life has never been so brilliantly cheesy.

Just a standard TuesCheeseday...

So, what have I missed? Tell me EVERYTHING!

Katie xxx

For my homies

I've been feeling extra warm and fuzzy of late, like my insides are wearing a fleecy onesie; a sensation caused by being infinitely grateful for my very own set of special snowflakes who...

1. Cook me dinner
If it wasn't for them, I'd probably forget what a kitchen even looks like. Their grub is better than any restaurant's; not just because it tastes of love (the most important ingredient of all, obvs) but due to the fantastic company I get to share it with. Putting the world to rights over homemade pesto is my idea of bliss. We don't do a bad brunch either: 

2. Make sure I don't miss YMCA
By smuggling me into the men's toilets because the women's queue is crazy long and we need to get back to the dancefloor STAT.

3. Provide the perfect hangover cure
Combining country walks (massive sunglasses a must)...

... Easter egg rolling and graveyard exploring...

...and a bunny biscuit from the local farmhouse, to be eaten while sitting on the Long Man of Wilmington's face....

Which still makes you snort-laugh, despite being the age of almost eight and twenty. 

4. Got me one step closer to completing my Bucket List
Which has only contained one item since I was 13: Go on The Crystal Maze. I have yet to buy tickets for the London one, but Handmade Mysteries' Exit Game was a fantastic replacement! I can think of much worse ways to spend a Wednesday night than with 5 of my favourite people, using torches, blacklights and our smarts to solving a series of clues to get a bottle of magic wine out of a wardrobe... 

5. Share those life-changing moments
Like the time you find The One(!!) in the chiller cabinet at the Co-op (who knew?!) and end up laughing so hysterically your face turns inside out and you literally cannot stop crying. 

6. Nurture my (not so) inner nerd
By inviting me to three-day-long role-playing festivals, breaking out card games in the pub, and hosting house parties with entertainment provided by their very own apps(!). Humdingers has improved my Friday nights for ever more. I truly adore my gang of charades-playing, dice-rolling, logic-puzzling people; even if they mercilessly force me to act out phrases like "Julia Roberts eating a hot dog". 

Katie xxx

Hangovers, Hipsters and Hygge

Bonsoir mes petites cerises!

How have you BEEN?! It's only ruddy Friday, innit! Three cheers for the weekend- let's crack open the wine. 

I'm still daydreaming about last weekend, when I easy-jetted off on a mini-break to Paris and Copenhagen. I was already expecting it to be a whole heap of magic, and that was before I found out there were complimentary copies of Men's Health magazine available on the flight to Paris... 

WHAT?! I'll have you know I read Men's Health magazine ALL. THE. TIME.

In what felt like mere milliseconds we were landing en France. At least, I assume it was that fast; I was engrossed in a very informative article on the best vegan recipes to increase my muscle mass. Yes, that IS what I was staring at so intensely. Shush.  

I'm lucky enough to have been to Paris several times before, so I stepped up to be a real life Lonely Planet for my travel buddy's first ever visit. Paris was as beautiful as ever, from the gorgeous gothic buildings to the perfect places for people watching... Hell, it's so chic even their vegetables are on trend:

We managed to fit in some serious sightseeing during our two day visit, from the classics (Louvre, Tour Eiffel, Sacre Coeur etc etc) to the more unusual (fancy escalator rides at the Pompidou Centre, the red light district's no 1 Erotic Museum, and a karaoke bar in which we heard a song where the entire chorus comprised solely of "la la la la la"). After our Museum visit, I felt like I should've had a quiet word with Notre Dame about its cheeky fundraising sign...

Sorry, love, but I've seen more impressive organs this weekend...

We also (literally) stumbled upon the most fabulous bar I've visited in my entire life. With house punch at €15 a litre, a bar-wide game of "find your pair" using playing cards, and colour-coded glowsticks for "taken" (red), "single" (green), and blue for "try and convince me" I was in my absolute element. Even the unsolicited offer of sex in a car (seriously, Paris?! Aren't you the city of romance?!) couldn't ruin the evening. 

Car sex in Paris: about as romantic as holding someone up by their right boob

Admittedly, this was mostly because I was too busy chatting to a tres, TRES beautiful French-Brazilian couple who'd met on Instagram(!!!), and the Brazilian then moved across the world to marry his husband (now of 3 years). Which may honestly be the most adorable story I've ever heard. And also the main reason I'm going to up my Instagramming...

...Possibly starting with this snap of a door I saw in Copenhagen.
That should snag me a beautiful French husband, right?

Copenhagen was the second stop on our mini tour of Europe. I think it might be my Spirit Animal in city form (Spirit City? Is that a thing?). 

Some seriously stylish cauliflower soup at the Museum of Danish Design.

It's almost achingly hipster, from the Ikea-chic tumblers of red wine we sipped (and I mean s.i.p.p.e.d. Copenhagen is crazy expensive) at a meatlocker-turned-bistro, to the rainbow of canal-side cottages we glimpsed through a perfectly timed flurry of snow, to the underground patisseries full of comfy leather sofas and be-cheekboned Danes serving up huge slices of cheesecake...



Also, their money is so pretty I've started wearing it like jewellery:

The icing on the cake (besides all the actual cake) was being bumped up to the easyjet equivalent of first class on our way home, when Dan (the man, the legend, the air steward) moved us into the over-wing exit aisle seats - I could actually STRETCH my legs(!!!) Bliss. 

All in all, an utterly brilliant first break of 2016. And, given that the flights cost a total of £69, I've got no excuse not to hop on over to Europe more often in future. I'm off to browse AirBnBs in Berlin...

Katie xxx

Six Things Sunday

Hello lovelies :)

Happy Sunday! You're WORKING that bed-hair today.

Before we get to the good stuff, I've got an important life announcement; I've decided to change my surname to "Shotgun". Not only does that mean that one day I'll genuinely be able to invite people to my Shotgun Wedding, it'll also make me seem posher because it's double-barrelled. Bahaha....

Assuming you're still reading (congrats on making it past those puns!), here's a list of things currently contributing to my eye twinkle:

1. Breaking Hearts
I see no reason why Valentine's chocolate can only be shared with someone you love in a naked kind of way. Especially when it's full of peanut butter.

2. Clock Watching
Well, watch-watching; but that sounds weird. I recently decided I needed a watch in my life, so I could start doing not-so-subtle wrist-check in boring meetings. I couldn't decide which one was my favourite, so I chose three. Story of my life.

3. Growing Up
You know you've made a friend for life when they add you to their door frame height chart. Don't even try to pretend you aren't aching to do this in your own house too now!

4. Flights of fancy
As my new watch will attest, there's always time to go travelling if you really want to, and today I'm meeting some friends to plan my first international adventure of 2016; Paris followed by Copenhagen. 



I'm most excited about visiting this bakery, because they appear to offer SPOUSES MADE OF CAKE. What do you mean "You're going to leave Copenhagen as a widow"?!?

5. Wish you were here...
My Parisian postcards won't be the first I've sent this year. Postcards from day trips are also totally legit, you know. 

6. Rawrsomely comfortable
Shortly before Christmas, I received a surprise parcel that was literally full of glitter and magic. And not just any old magic, either - DINOSAUR MAGIC. It turned out Kezzie had sent me several incredible Christmas presents, including a dinosaur duvet cover(!!!) specifically for me to cut up and play with! This discovery preceded a significant amount of squealing, because I knew exactly what I was going to make...

Since moving into my new house last November I'd been trying (and failing) to track down my Dream Dressing Gown. Mostly for my housemates' sake as, having thrown out my old one in the move, I'd been forced to wander round the house in a barely long enough jumper. Yes, forced, I tell you. 

After a wholly fruitless search, I'd decided to try and make one myself. It turns out making a dressing gown by eye is much harder than a shift dress, but it just about does the job. 

Ironically, it's turned out about the same length as the jumper. But, as my housemates pointed out, at least now it's my stegosaur-arse hanging out instead....

What's been making you smile recently? 

Katie xxx

The one in which I become 90% cheese

*flexes fingers and blows three inches of dust and cobwebs from laptop keyboard*

So.... This is a bit awkward, huh, Internet? I know I said I'd Skype you but, well, I've been really busy. Like, all the time. And, I don't actually have a Skype account (I know, I know- Earth To Katie - get into the 21st Century already) so.... Yeah. 

Shall we just pretend this never happened? I mean, we can still be friends, right? We've been through so much together... The Simpsons hairscapade; the time I OD'd on puns (and Eton Mess); THE AUBERGINE REVELATION. And I really want to tell you about my adventures! 

I've been getting up to all sorts of mischief lately (as one would expect), but it's mainly involved jet-setting like my passport was about to expire. 

Which I think it is, actually. Shit.

[FYI, my passport photo is one of 3 nice photos of me that exist in the entire world. It's so good I actually show people ON PURPOSE, because Passport Me is much prettier than Real Life Me; and soon she has to go to the big photograph album in the sky :( I might start a twitter campaign to let people use the same photograph for every iteration of their passport, forever. Who's with me?]

Anyway... I basically spent half of December zipping back and forth to Gatwick, armed with a bag half filled with stripy t-shirts, a freezer bag of tiny shampoos, and a magazine for the plane. Three consecutive mini breaks has seriously upped my packing game and I've managed to hone it to just the necessities; which means less to carry around after hotel check-out, and more luggage space to bring home essential gingerbread:

So, where have I been, I hear you ask. Alright, you didn't ask, but this is my bit of the internet so I'm going to tell you anyway. 

First up was Budapest, where I stayed in the world's craziest AirBnB flat of all time - complete with a building block/cushion mountain, 180ft ceilings, a purple faux rhino head, and these guys: 

I tell you what; that teddy is A LOT less cute when it's looming over at you at 3am and you've just woken up from a cocktail-induced nightmare. Although at least it wasn't a nightmare fuelled by cheese-flavoured premium smack...

I found ruin pubs serving £2-a-pint watermelon cocktails to hipsters seated in vintage cars, Dracula-worthy Gothic castles complete with campfire-horror-story uplighting (I can only assume they didn't use giant torches) and taught my travel buddy how to swim. Classic Budapest stories all round.

Next came Cologne, complete with aforementioned gingerbread purchases, too much Glusswein, and some seriously impressive views of the Cathedral from our budget hotel window:

That weekend's indulgence levels were pretty much set from the moment we arrived, after the grumpy waiter in the Alpine restaurant decided our order of a "cheese sharing platter" meant we wanted one each...

As I'm sure you'll agree, the only conceivable way to follow an entire dairy's worth of cheese for dinner is cheesecake and hot chocolate for breakfast...

I hasten to add, my Cologne trip wasn't entirely cheese-based. We also ate a truckload of whipped cream. On everything. And I discovered that the world contains giant snails who like to eat cocoa beans...

I included my (giant, mannish) hand for scale.

... found a bridge covered in love-locks...

... and laughed at some nearby graffiti...

... bought a book from a telephone box...

... had a massage at the Sealife Centre...

... and I MET SANTA!

My third, and final, trip of the year was to the giddy heights of Switzerland. I spent a day in Geneva all on my own, exploring the city, eating cinnamon doughnuts, and filling my water bottle with free lion spit. 

Next stop was Lausanne, with its rather fabulous selection of traditional Christmas lights (festive giraffe, anyone?)...

... and the most ingenious hairdressers' Christmas Tree I've ever seen:

Although I have to admit, Lausanne does have its priorities straight (festive giraffes be damned):

My final stop was Gruyere, which both stole and clogged my heart with its breathtaking setting, fairytale castle, and offensively excessive fondue portions. 

It's also the very surreal home of the Geiger museum, which is definitely a contender for the creepiest place I've ever been in my life. Thankfully, if it all gets a bit much, you can pop into the adjoining bar to drink a glass of wine while perched on a bar stool designed to resemble a human pelvis. 

Normality restored. Phew. 

I've got so much more to tell you all, but I'm afraid the stories about Space Hockey, imparting wisdom (that's right - I ruddy did!) and NICOLAS CAGE'S FACE will have to wait 'til another day. In the meantime, you'll have to console yourself with this photograph of a cheery bus stop. You're welcome:

Katie xxx