So.... This is a bit awkward, huh, Internet? I know I said I'd Skype you but, well, I've been really busy. Like, all the time. And, I don't actually have a Skype account (I know, I know- Earth To Katie - get into the 21st Century already) so.... Yeah.
Shall we just pretend this never happened? I mean, we can still be friends, right? We've been through so much together... The Simpsons hairscapade; the time I OD'd on puns (and Eton Mess); THE AUBERGINE REVELATION. And I really want to tell you about my adventures!
I've been getting up to all sorts of mischief lately (as one would expect), but it's mainly involved jet-setting like my passport was about to expire.
Which I think it is, actually. Shit.
[FYI, my passport photo is one of 3 nice photos of me that exist in the entire world. It's so good I actually show people ON PURPOSE, because Passport Me is much prettier than Real Life Me; and soon she has to go to the big photograph album in the sky :( I might start a twitter campaign to let people use the same photograph for every iteration of their passport, forever. Who's with me?]
Anyway... I basically spent half of December zipping back and forth to Gatwick, armed with a bag half filled with stripy t-shirts, a freezer bag of tiny shampoos, and a magazine for the plane. Three consecutive mini breaks has seriously upped my packing game and I've managed to hone it to just the necessities; which means less to carry around after hotel check-out, and more luggage space to bring home essential gingerbread:
So, where have I been, I hear you ask. Alright, you didn't ask, but this is my bit of the internet so I'm going to tell you anyway.
First up was Budapest, where I stayed in the world's craziest AirBnB flat of all time - complete with a building block/cushion mountain, 180ft ceilings, a purple faux rhino head, and these guys:
I tell you what; that teddy is A LOT less cute when it's looming over at you at 3am and you've just woken up from a cocktail-induced nightmare. Although at least it wasn't a nightmare fuelled by cheese-flavoured premium smack...
I found ruin pubs serving £2-a-pint watermelon cocktails to hipsters seated in vintage cars, Dracula-worthy Gothic castles complete with campfire-horror-story uplighting (I can only assume they didn't use giant torches) and taught my travel buddy how to swim. Classic Budapest stories all round.
Next came Cologne, complete with aforementioned gingerbread purchases, too much Glusswein, and some seriously impressive views of the Cathedral from our budget hotel window:
That weekend's indulgence levels were pretty much set from the moment we arrived, after the grumpy waiter in the Alpine restaurant decided our order of a "cheese sharing platter" meant we wanted one each...
As I'm sure you'll agree, the only conceivable way to follow an entire dairy's worth of cheese for dinner is cheesecake and hot chocolate for breakfast...
I hasten to add, my Cologne trip wasn't entirely cheese-based. We also ate a truckload of whipped cream. On everything. And I discovered that the world contains giant snails who like to eat cocoa beans...
 |
| I included my (giant, mannish) hand for scale. |
... found a bridge covered in love-locks...
... and laughed at some nearby graffiti...
... bought a book from a telephone box...
... had a massage at the Sealife Centre...
... and I MET SANTA!
My third, and final, trip of the year was to the giddy heights of Switzerland. I spent a day in Geneva all on my own, exploring the city, eating cinnamon doughnuts, and filling my water bottle with free lion spit.
Next stop was Lausanne, with its rather fabulous selection of traditional Christmas lights (festive giraffe, anyone?)...
... and the most ingenious hairdressers' Christmas Tree I've ever seen:
Although I have to admit, Lausanne does have its priorities straight (festive giraffes be damned):
My final stop was Gruyere, which both stole and clogged my heart with its breathtaking setting, fairytale castle, and offensively excessive fondue portions.
It's also the very surreal home of the Geiger museum, which is definitely a contender for the creepiest place I've ever been in my life. Thankfully, if it all gets a bit much, you can pop into the adjoining bar to drink a glass of wine while perched on a bar stool designed to resemble a human pelvis.
Normality restored. Phew.
I've got so much more to tell you all, but I'm afraid the stories about Space Hockey, imparting wisdom (that's right - I ruddy did!) and NICOLAS CAGE'S FACE will have to wait 'til another day. In the meantime, you'll have to console yourself with this photograph of a cheery bus stop. You're welcome:
Katie xxx