18 August 2015

Throwing a wobbly

As loaded questions go, "Do I look like I've put on weight?" has to be more loaded than a drunk gun.

Nonetheless, it's a question I've considered posing several times in the last week or so; despite knowing full well that asking it would fall somewhere between utterly pointless and potentially destructive. Regardless of the response, it wouldn't change the (thigh-tastic) reality, and it'd also put whichever poor soul I decided to ask in the awkward position of either:
1. Being brutally honest; or 
2. Tactfully attempting to sugar-coat their response. In which case, I'd probably try to eat it.

Apt as it would be to allow my hippo-sized self to wallow in self-pity (and digestive biscuit crumbs), I've decided to take the more pragmatic approach of STEPPING AWAY FROM THE BISCUIT TIN. And then stepping away some more, until I've walked as many steps as The Proclaimers. That ought to do it.

I'm also deeply conscious that any lamenting on my part would be rather hard for you all to swallow, and certainly much harder than I found it to swallow the baked goods, burgers, and assorted puddings I've shared on here recently... I'll just label the last few weeks as a science experiment where I used my own hips to prove how gluttony works. You're welcome, Science.

I've written about my relationship with baked goods (AKA the true Love Of My Life) on here before, and I know I'll be wriggling back into my skinny jeans soon enough if I use the same tact as before (eat less, move more). However, this time I'm also equipped with some FABULOUS healthy-living "tips" from a book I found in the pub on Sunday. Where I also ate my own (increased) weight in roast potatoes - but let's not dwell on that part...



Judging by the cover, the practical way to keep fit is to either become a pirate or live in a lighthouse. Although I guess all those stairs probably would help. But the illustrated guidelines inside were even better...


Some sound advice about carbs there. Dr Aitkins would be proud.


If this one's true, I should investigate joining Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Anonymous.


I particularly liked that one, because it reminded me of this sign I saw at London Zoo, which made me want to yell "I'm sick of you lot treating us like pieces of meat!" into the tiger enclosure. 


I mean, if we don't stop that kind of behaviour early, we'll only have ourselves to blame when there's a breakout of tiger-whistling on building sites next year...

Katie xxx

P.S. The book didn't just nail the diet dilemma; it also contained some very useful tips on parenting, including an uncanny understanding of the teenage psyche... Ahem.

12 comments:

  1. That zoo sign is hilarious - I didn't realise tigers hunted steaks with legs!! Know how you feel about getting into bad habits, I've got stuck into craving chocolate after dinner again (managed to kick the habit after finishing the Christmas chocolate in Feb) but there's so much in the house at the moment I can't help myself... there's a malteasers bar in the kitchen calling my name at the moment! Xxx

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    1. Me neither! Is there nothing the zoo cannot teach us?! I am in AWE that you've managed to hold off the chocolate habit since February, and even more awe-struck that your Christmas chocolate lasted that long!! You are one impressive lady xxx

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  2. Ha, love these!!!! Love old book cliches and ideas! So cool!
    I've definitely put on weight. I weigh about 9.5 stone now when I've been used to being 8.5 stone for about the last 10 years! Ahrgh! Most of my clothes fit, just a few items that don't but I still don't like being reminded of that! Holidays are bad as I miss meals and graze on stuff all the time! x

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    1. Well, it really doesn't notice in your photos- you still look gorgeously slender! Are you sure the extra weight isn't muscles from your swing dancing? xxx

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  3. I'm having the same problem! My weight never changed and then I turned 29 and have put on 2 stone over the last three years... it was slow at first but all of sudden I feel like a beached whale and have taken to wearing pyjamas constantly at home as my trousers are all so tight and uncomfortable! I should be more trousers but I'm still clinging on to the hope that I might one day fit into my current trousers properly! I'm expecting this to occur magically, overnight, without me having to give up cake and wine ;)

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    1. That was meant to say buy more trousers, not be more trousers!

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    2. Cake and wine are a basic human right!! I think we should just champion wearing PJs all the time- they're so much comfier than actual clothes!! What do you reckon? xxx

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  4. What a great book. I hope you stole it.
    You don't need to even THINK about your weight! But my top tip is to turn vegan. Avocados are as exciting as it gets for me nowadays. xxx

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    1. I didn't; but I might go back and try to persuade them to sell it to me. Thanks for the top tip; it'd work even more impressively for me as I hate avocado! xxx

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  5. Hahaha. Your post cracked me up. What kind of a pub do you go to anyway with such books about?

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    1. Thanks Melanie :) It was this one - their roast dinners are KILLER too (although the pub across the road does better puddings- my kind of pub crawl :p) http://www.thegunfindon.co.uk/ xx

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  6. That books seems to be full of sound advice! Nice find.

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