I'm very pleased to announce that the wait is finally over* for the second instalment of my Christmas Gift Guide series. Hurrah! This time I'm focusing on "Presents for people with a Y chromosome"; because it's a damn snappy title.
It makes me sad that the majority of shops' "male gift" displays comprise solely of novelty socks. Do men really want for nothing more than Homer Simpson-emblazoned hosiery? I say NO. So here's a selection of alternative presents to days-of-the-week foot-gloves**:
2. This corkscrew is definitely the most piratical kitchen accessory I've ever seen. Pair it with a bottle of Sailor Jerry's and you've got yourself a party. Just ignore the fact that Sailor Jerry's comes in screw-top bottles...
3. If your fella needs fancying-up, this Mr Dapper clothes brush will get him looking spick and span. Bonus points for the fact it looks much more expensive than the £6 price tag.
4. No man should have to suffer through life with a mundane camera strap when there are camera straps like this in the world. Sort it out.
5. Does your old man have even older eyes? Perhaps not, as that's not scientifically possible, but a lack of scientific evidence is no excuse to hold back from buying this magnifier bookmark.
6. For brothers whose love of the Brat Pack is equalled only by a love of brunch, this poster is the bacon-embellished art of their dreams. Optional extra; garnish with a gift tag made of bacon.
7. Pretty much the flashiest flash drive around (except for one that's actually The Flash), this Captain America memory stick will heroically guard your private documents against evil.
8. If there's one thing I know about men, it's that they like boobs. Sadly, one cannot buy boobs on the internet (well, not with free shipping anyway), so instead why not buy them this beer bread mix? It's almost as good as boobs. Probably.
*I know you've only been waiting since Sunday, but don't you also feel like your whole life has been waiting for this moment? No?
**I ran out of alternative words for socks.