How are you all?! What have I missed?! And how the hell is it JUNE already?!?
...Takeaway menu typos...
Just in case you were wondering, I haven't been abducted by aliens/pirates/the circus. Despite spending the last three months loitering on a street corner wearing starry deely-boppers, twirling a hula hoop, and teaching a parrot all my favourite swears...
Ok, that's a lie*.
I'm truly sorry it's been so long; I've missed you all like crazy. But, sadly, I still(!) don't have regular internet access in my life. Or a TV. I'm this close to having nightmares about the number of cat memes I've missed out on, and I've developed a nervous tic every time someone mentions the latest episode of Game of Thrones.
What HAVE I been up to, I hear you think. That's right. I can hear people think now. I've been using my TV-free evenings to develop telepathic superpowers. And make a rag rug.
Alright, alright - those are also lies. I'm playing with fire here, huh? Three months' absence, and then I return with a whole pile of untrue things.
So, before you abandon this place forever, I'd best tell you some things I've actually been doing:
1. Turning 27.
My birthday rolled around in April like a giant glitter ball, so I chose to celebrate somewhere with an even bigger one; Creams ice-cream and waffle house. My fellow celebrants sneakily informed the waitresses that it was my birthday, and I was subsequently presented with a candle-bedecked ice-cream sundae so large it made my face do this:
2. Placing at the Dinolympics
Well, technically I came third. Or at least that's what it looks like after I decided to combine my DIY copper-covered T-rex pendant onto the gorgeous turquoise ribbon Skye used to wrap my birthday present.
3. Dancing like a loon
In the living room, the kitchen, the shower (carefully), at weddings, and at actual clubs that don't close until the sun comes up... I've decided to recapture my booty-shaking youth, and embraced tinnitus as my new best friend.
4. Laughing at the little things
Including angry carbohydrates...
|"Hello? Yes - can you please cover my grandmother in honey and chicken?"|
... And the best dinosaur name I've EVER heard:
|I bet he got all the girlosaurs...|
5. Doing some learnin's
On a day out to the Big Smoke. I got to pretend my hands were squirrels...
... Discovered that diplodocusseses had STONES IN THEIR BELLIES(!!)...
|AS DO CHICKENS(!!)|
... Saw an awesome robot....
... And found the evidence I always knew existed:
So, what have I missed? Please feel free to include links to the cream of the latest kitty videos in the comments below.
*It's been four months.